| Episode: #177 |
[Feb. 18th, 2007|09:47 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Eluvium "Prelude for Time..." | ] |
What a concept ain't it? Like dried Play-Doh. Not mendable it's ambiguous as well. I suppose I enjoy crackling and the dry smell. That's how it is for me. The rain and beautiful sunshine really gave me hope. The window was open and I heard the shower run. Cheep from the sparrow and my father slept. Dark but then light as I walked to the front of the porch and sun right above my head as close as my fingertips to one another really. Acquired material objects in exchange for an awe. I hope I don't get too high expectations. Time flew and I think I feel the same but my mindset is blinded by the new reality. I might've changed or my personality totally just diminished from the solvent of a new solution, my mind set forth to come with but the outcome was quite unexpected for me. Well, I don't need this time. I already need drastic change. just one of those things mathew can't get away from.Flowing and the run but an occasional shard i still manage for the purpose of everyones happiness not snappiness. |
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| Episode: # Fake |
[Dec. 27th, 2006|12:24 am] |
It's alway's happening. I think hard. Hard. I don't know, I sure hope I am like a "know-it-all" I want things figured out on the double but it's hard when you have yourself waiting for life and it's comings at ya.
I wish I could tell the future, fly and never return to the everythings I know, for the Earth is as small and as big as I want it. So much I forget about and uncover with thmy breathe blowing the soot. About me and I need to see people, me and everything for what it is my friends, family and life itself cant hold me back...damn.
The start over is for me and its all here. I'm not sure what I think about the people. Do they try too hard? You're not "amazing and intellectual" you are mediocre...simpletons... you are not wealthy and spirtitual you are a simple meddling and no one cares on your thoughts exceprt yourself. Get lost, bent, fucked, whatever gives? Man, I really am overanalyzing I'm anal like that, but there's just 2 more days... we';ll see what happens i got no money or hope just as everything comes at me it is. |
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| Episode: #95 |
[Nov. 27th, 2006|09:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  optimistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | A Silver Mt. Zion | ] |
I really can’t help but grin when I see it. The snow. I’m not a big fan of it. I like walking in it, with someone and looking up into a dark sky as it escapes the dark and hits your nose or forehead. So, many flakes of ice. The funny thing; It ain’t a new thing to me. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy the snow, yet, it seems to just make me really nice inside to see everyone so antsy over a type of weather. Haha, in fact I’m sick of snow! Moses Lake got feet upon feet of snow every winter, bar-none, I mean it’s an old thing to me….
…..at the same time it’s incredible. Really makes my heart lift or how do you say? Warmth. A centimeter of snow here put schools on hold and people run into it like it’s a gift from the heavens after the longest drought in mankind’s history. I enjoy seeing the people, from all over the nearby. They’re truly happy with it. It’s nice. Makes me feel nice as well as them. Beauty. Sincerity really sent me the message. I’m happy for them. Romantic in a way… Anyway…
I’m feeling all right. |
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| Episode: #92 |
[Nov. 26th, 2006|08:54 pm] |
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Do I lead a life of 2? Man, I’m dreaming and my body can’t wake until Monday morn. Sometimes the ol’ grind is the incentive. Sometimes it is a break from it all in and of itself. Hard to explain or see, but I see it. I felt so, so, so, despondent: totally out of it and so depressed. I acted happy and had fun for sure but there sure was an awkward silence or maybe an awkward darkness. The weather was somewhat tough. On the last day that damned town got up to 34 cm. Of snow or so. Funny when Kent gets 2 cm. they squeal with joy and get a snow day from school. I appreciate snow. It’s precious. I miss my family though. I feel so heartbroken. The weather was dank. Left wet streets and gloomy people, yet it’s just that time of year I suppose. A dream state for sure. I don’t know how I felt cause it truly felt like 3 minutes. This life here just goes on while I forget my other, then all of a sudden I return to where I left off, (Read Me) The people still drink and think the same. Same petty goals. I never want to reach that town as a citizen or even a long-term visitor for that matter. I’m sincerely not sure what happened this weekend or if there was a point. Nothing happened and I feel empty. Like I said tomorrow brings the day of old. The life I know and have come to know in the last seven or eight months. What have I done? What have I fuckin’ done to myself? |
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| Episode: #85 |
[Nov. 21st, 2006|05:15 pm] |
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Thanksgiving. I mean it's really ironic. Thanksgiving, what a concept. It's so good. I want good things to be in my life, don't we all? As humans? I don't know... I go through these ups and downs. This state I'm in is as if it's a splash of cool. A nice wave of ocean water spread all over my body. But a cold is there. A darkness as well. I hope, umm... that this weekend isn't too dramatic for me. Traumatic is maybe a better usage. It's going to be hard to get back to my roots. I mean I haven't even been back to that place. Moses Lake is what I'm talking about. It's definitely the longest I have been from it. A lot of mixed emotions in a way, cause there is some of which that really want to see me while there is others who really want to lay it down about how they feel about my choice to live in Kent. Shouldn’t be too bad, after all it is Thanksgiving. What I’m so ever torn over though… is leaving. Leaving Moses Lake again. I don’t want to be there but it’s where I have grown up and made all known friends up to this point. My little brother Jameson is already heartbroken enough as it is, and I’m just going to be leaving him again. I can already see the tears being shed by my family; my true family. It hurts me so much. I feel confused and distraught but real content. It’s a hard time. And the weather ain’t helping and my school isn’t easing the pain any easier. Hm, well. I really do appreciate and am very so thankful for my family. My old friends of Moses will be there as well. The ones that aren’t too drugged out for that matter any way. I’m anticipating what’s going to happen I guess. |
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| Episode: #83 |
[Nov. 19th, 2006|02:00 pm] |
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It sure seems like a big chapter of my life is coming. Like some futuristic epiphany is about to be revealed to me. It's been weird as if the last few months have just been laying the foundation for what's to come. Man, sometimes I'm so mad at why it is what it is and that's all it will be. Things never make out the way you want them to, and I overestimate everything and everyone. Hopefully I can find what I'm looking for; myself. I don't know, maybe like that old cheesy saying goes: "What you have been looking for has been right next to you all along." or something along those lines. Either way, it's going to cause heart ache but make others so very happy, it's my decision in the end. I'm confused right no I suppose. It's going to be hard this week. A hard one. Here it comes. |
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| Episode: # 71 |
[Nov. 6th, 2006|06:18 pm] |
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This rain is almost foreign ya know? I mean, it's bearable but... foreign. I walk to and from school on a daily basis and the rain was just too much today. I would've been the only kid walking to Auburn Mountainview Senior High School. I would've had wet girl pants all day long. Tight denim skin-huggers wet and then they become moist and musty-stiff. I got a nice ride to school from the step-mom. I appreciated it, she ALMOST had no choice. I love my walks to school. They make my day adventuresome. Maybe the days are slowing. Or they get longer. The weather is funny. Like so many things on planet Earth they're funny. Why are things the way they are? I mean yeah that's the basic question of all science but science is funny in and of itself. Why do people even question the way the Earth is? How will knowing the molecular makeup of a rock effect you? What do I do with my life when I die? WAIT that's a legitinamte question and another blog. I mean this world is simple. I feel cocky. I got things figured out. It's blatant and right in front of everyone but to them life is their life. |
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| Episode: #67 |
[Nov. 2nd, 2006|06:21 pm] |
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Stranded on an island. It's a total foreign concept. I mean, it would be held so personal to someone and a life-changing event. Such an impact, I would sure bet. Man... against nature. A classic tale of adventure. All thse misconceptions that people have of things they don't understand. Truly and sincerely I wanna do something major, but so does most. I met this kid today. I've heard alot about him. We share similar thoughts and repeat identical sentences. From what I've heard any way. Right out of P.E. I was walking and he sort of walked quickly to catch with me. He out of the blue say's "Hi, I'm Jordan." insinctively I say: "I'm Mathew". "Yeah, my mother is your English teacher, you know?" "Ah, yeah... Mrs. Storm.. Car-" "Yeah, Yeah". Nice to meet you"Yeah""she tells me you're into Film and such." Oh yeah" and the conversation progresses somewhat, but it's during a passing period so, not too deep a conversation but I suppose that goes without saying. I'm quiet at that school for the most part, weird. I guess I just come off as that. I dress poorly and I have a Fashion Apparel and Design class and I dress like a mutt. Ah, well. |
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| Episode: # 66 |
[Nov. 1st, 2006|04:28 pm] |
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Man, I'm amazed with photography. I just started taking a course and it's so simple... (There's more to it.) But so artistic. I haven't realized it until I've actually started doing. I want to do so much more. But I was looking into some Community Colleges and I am looking into Seattle Central Community College. It's got a great TV/Video Production department. Very selective. I'm sort of excited. I was thinking about attending Green River Community College but it would be nicer to put a little more effort into it and commute to Sea-town for something that actually relates to the career I'm interested in. I'm actually becoming very passionate about um, Film and Video. It's going to be great if I can do something great with both. I hope my future holds somethng, fortunate and... beautiful. |
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| Episode # 51 |
[Oct. 22nd, 2006|02:06 am] |
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It was like I was telling Ben. I'm happy with my choice. I've escaped the small-twon mindset. Not the one the sense that I'm close-minded but the one that confines me to be close-minded of small-towns alike. Small-towns are incredible. I kid you not. Cities are overrrated. I truly miss a friend or two from Moses Lake. The rest, I miss the people they were, but not them presently. I have met incredible people. People that don't realize how incredible they are. When I come here and see them I feel like I am with celebrities, like they are the people I have been urning for all my pathetic teenage and wasted years. Sober kids. Sincere and genuine. In Moses there was none of that and I was ridiculed for thinking there was. Believe it or not, I hate the city, it's loud and irritating but the people I have met, make me never want to go bakc, and I'm only meeeting more. Fruitcake? |
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| Episode # 44 |
[Oct. 17th, 2006|10:17 pm] |
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I'm real worried, especially with my future. I want to be successful but a part of me just wants to not have anything to do with money or working for a company. I think anyone who tells you that money brings happiness, they're a fool. I will agree that money makes life convenient, but overall what;s money do? Get you food and shelter and everything else from there is a luxury or something in the form of a convenience. I just don't feel like supporting this government. I'm so torn in America, I truly am. It's a whole 'nother story but I just get confused. I guess it's just that time of finding myself in my life. People say it is but I think ones whole life is finding ones self. Boy, is it ever hard? I'm thinking of moving away from the world. Not off the planet but away from the people and modern influence. My own fashion, my own mindset, my own, culinaries, my own residence, my own privacy, my own freedom and life. It's a thought that's been proposed, and I hope it happens. It's untold and secret. Shush |
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| Episode: #39 |
[Oct. 10th, 2006|08:22 pm] |
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I'm slothful, ever so slothful. I wore sweats all day. Walked around school with a baggy SuperSonics shirt. I just really don't care how I dress anymore. People should judge me for me. I have been considering dressing in a suit everyday. That way people would ask: "Why are you in a suit?" and it would be a nice way to start conversation and make a new friend. It could honestly get a nice message across. I would look sophisticated and responsible. I'm sort of depressed. I'm not waking up the way I had used to. I would usually watch the sunrise or open a window. But now it's just get up and get dress and hurry up the hill to the school. I sometimes hate the system. Get up, go to work/school, hopefully to better your life but you will just land in anotyher wormhole that will just lead to another. |
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| Episode #32 |
[Oct. 2nd, 2006|08:24 pm] |
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School is just odd. Auburn Mountainview has a smaller population than Moses Lake High School and probably not even as cool of people. The kid's I have hung with want to do drugs or talk about partying non-stop. The teachers are mostly young and inexperinced. People told me how Auburn Mountainview is mostly pretty chill, but in all reality, it's way more up tight than MLHS. And 6 periods a day is lame. There's not enough time for teachers to focus on students and when I get into something, the bell rings and I have to leave. The floor-plans are horrible as well. Whoever fixed up those blueprints for that school just cost the Aubrun School District about $36,000,000+ down the hole. Sad. cause the four main halls all meet in one place and empty into on massive staircase. That's not including the other side of the building with band students, drama students, workshop students and P.E. classes coming right for the staircase. It's almost mass hysteria. AMHS is by far the most fake school. It feels more like Middle School over again. Next year I vow to take the placement test for Running Start. Should be much nicer and something I should've done a year ago. And why not? |
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| Epsisode #31 |
[Sep. 30th, 2006|10:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | touched | ] |
| [ | music |
| | City & Colour | ] |
I had an old LiveJournal, but this one I decided to start clean with. I usualy write thoughts personally on paper and never keep it. I'm honestly constantly writing. Some say I'm great while others can't understand a thing I say or where I am going with it. I was influenced yesternight. I think for the first time in my life I have actually met the people I have been searching for. The personalities I have been longing for and the sober kids that I can relate in deep conversation with whether it be dense or brief. It's beauty to me. I'm pretty much appauled. |
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